Thursday, November 27, 2014

How To Teach Gratitude by Beth Greenfield

It’s one thing to have your kids go around the Thanksgiving table and politely say what they’re grateful for once a year. But teaching the fine art of gratitude on a daily basis? That’s the real challenge — especially when so many of us parents are still struggling with the concept ourselves.

 
“As far as being gracious and appreciative, that comes from the example we set,” Wendy Mogel, clinical psychologist and author of the bestselling “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee,” tells Yahoo Parenting. “Are we criticizing them or their school? Are we gossiping? It’s important to think about how much we demonstrate gratitude in front of our children. To be grateful to our children and in front of our children — instead of demanding reflexive appreciation — is the best lesson.”

 

With that idea in mind (the good ole “practice what you preach”), Yahoo Parenting presents to you the gift of gratitude lessons:

 
Accept that they won’t stop wanting things. “We don’t want to be mad at the children for their longings, which are a form of passion and desire,” Mogel says. “Plus, the have been brainwashed by advertising.” Instead of getting angry about your little one’s burning desire for that singing Elsa doll, acknowledge it, and then suggest putting it on the Christmas or birthday list. Or, better, yet, suggest she purchase it with her own allowance or gift money. “You’ll find the desire evaporates very quickly,” Mogel notes with a giggle.



 
Resist spoiling. “If your child has an expectation that they’re coming home with something every time you both go to the store, that’s how you know you’ve crossed the line,” notes Jill Rigby Garner, parenting expert and author of “Raising Unselfish Children In a Self-Absorbed World.” Instead, “Take back authority and say ‘No’,” she suggests. “Rather than worrying about their moment-to-moment happiness, focus on their full-blown joy.” Do that, Garner explains, by taking away instant gratification. To wit: When her now-grown twin boys were small, and they would go through the bank drive-thru, she would always refuse the teller’s offer of lollipops; it became such a habit, in fact, that her sons would join her in happily saying, “No thank you, not today.” But every rare once in a while, she would surprise them by saying, “Yes, that would make a nice treat today.” And they were overjoyed — and appreciative.

 
Teach them the power of giving. While Garner suggests not giving in to demands for treats when you’re out grocery shopping, she says that doing it sometimes is fine — but with a twist. “One day, say, ‘Why don’t you pick out two treats, and we’ll give one away.’ Give them the money in their hand to make the purchase, and then allow her to give on away to someone else right away,” she says. Whether it’s another child in the store or a person in need outside on the street, she notes, “That truly is experiential learning, because at that moment they are getting and, right away, giving. It’s a great way to instill gratefulness.” Because giving often feels better than receiving.

 
Point out the generosity of others. Andrea Hussong, professor of psychology of University of North Carolina Chapel Hill and lead researcher of a new study, “Raising Grateful Children,” has been looking at ways that parents of kids ages 6 to 9 aim to teach gratitude. Techniques ranged from saying thanks before meals to everyone reflecting on their days together each evening. And Hussong adds her own suggestion for Yahoo Parenting: “Help a child to recognize that he or she received something, and that whomever gave her the gift or did something nice didn’t have to do that,” she says. Then ask them how they feel about it, and highlight their positive emotions, such as “I feel good.”

 
Understand when they’re too overwhelmed to feel thankful. Now here’s a common scenario: Your kid gets lavished with presents, either at a birthday party or family holiday gathering. And instead of being filled with thanks and appreciation, she expresses dissatisfaction over not receiving the one thing she really wanted. And you are embarrassed and frustrated by her attitude. But, Mogel points out, “She didn’t ask for all those presents. There are too many. Plus, she has fresh new longings every day, just as we do.” Garner notes that, in the case of a child acting spoiled in the midst of opening piles of birthday presents, a simple redirect could do the trick. “I would probably disrupt the moment and say, ‘you know what? We’re not going to open any more presents right now. But this is the perfect time to give your guests their favors.’”
 

Avoid shaming. Even when your kid is driving you bonkers, whining and demanding and never saying thanks, it’s important to keep something in mind: “Shaming a child never works,” Garner says. “Punishment makes a child feel rotten. So when you say ‘the kids in Africa have nothing,’ or ‘why are you so selfish?’ you’re setting them up to rebel, and you reinforce behavior you’re trying to change.”

 
Be mindful of teaching consumerism. Whenever we spend time gleefully shopping online, talking about the material items we desire, or expressing serious satisfaction over finding the object of our desire and ordering it with a swipe of our credit card (and who hasn’t done that?), we are “unwittingly and unconsciously teaching” our children how to long for more and more and more, says Mogel. A simple bit of awareness about our own behavior can go a long way.

 

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Ferguson: Sheriff BJ Barnes

"In Ferguson, Mo. the Grand Jury did not return a indictment on the officer who shot Michael Brown based on the evidence heard by 12 citizens. The states attorney did a great job explaining the evidence and the process. Will this be the end of it, I assure you it will not. There are those who will use this as a tool to advance their own agenda on both sides of this issue. I was just questioned ...by Joe Killian with the News & Record who will be doing a story for tomorrow. I told him and will repeat to you my friends this is a time for calmer heads to prevail. The Grand Jury took three months to review the evidence, surely we can review the evidence on our own to reach our own conclusions without allowing the agitators to cause more hate and discontent to be spread in our community. We need to keep in mind there was a loss of life, that's bad enough, let's not lose a nation by allowing others to take over this discussion by demonstrating and stirring up hard feelings."

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Chicago fights school-to-prison pipeline through Restorative Justice Practices


Chicago fights school-to-prison pipeline
Ten years of grassroots organizing and practice have raised community awareness and helped demonstrate the effectiveness of restorative justice. Now Chicago schools are moving to create a restorative culture.
...»

Sunday, November 23, 2014

In your school/community, who ensures/assures a safe school environment for students, teachers, and staff?

In the face of unacceptable, dangerous, threatening, violent behaviors, have the following been alerted:
-Law enforcement?
-All faculty/staff members? 
-Parents of students?  
-PTSA/PTSO officers and members? 
-School Superintendent & All School Board Members?
-NC Center for Safer Schools?
-Media?
-County Commissioners?
-Mayor, city/town council members?
-Local legislators? 

School Safety is every student's right.
School Safety is every faculty/staff member's right.

Bullying of teachers more damaging in online era - Yahoo ...

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Nov. 16-23: International Restorative Justice Week; 'Premier League villains' go straight after meeting victims


This Restorative Justice Week we're asking "What would you do?"

From:


First published:

14 November 2014

 

This year, the Ministry of Justice (MoJ) is supporting International Restorative Justice Week (16 to 23 November) by running a public awareness raising campaign.

The campaign, which is being supported by the Restorative Justice Council, WhyMe? and the Chris Donovan Trust, is called “What would you do?”, encouraging people to think about whether they would meet somebody who committed a crime against them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51FQbAFqopc



Restorative justice (RJ) is the process of bringing together victims of crime and their offenders to discuss the impact of the crime, repair the harm and find a positive way forward. It offers victims the chance to be heard, get answers to questions and provide a sense of closure. It also forces offenders to face up to the impact of their behavior and in this way can help to reduce reoffending.

 

 

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/local/northdurham/durham/11607188._Premier_League_villains__go_straight_after_meeting_victims/



'Premier League villains' go straight after meeting victims




First published Monday 17 November 2014 in Durham City News by Mark Tallentire, Reporter (Durham)

TWO “Premier League villains” have turned their lives around after coming face-to-face with their victims, a chief constable said today (Monday, November 17).

Durham Police chief constable Mike Barton said between them David Clark and Shaun Morton committed about 500 crimes a year.

But after taking part in a restorative justice scheme, both are now drink and drug free and volunteering with other addict criminals.

Sitting between Clark and Morton at a press conference at police headquarters, Mr Barton said they were among his force’s top ten criminals and called them “Premier League villains” but praised them for “turning their lives around”.

And the police chief revealed how he had taken restorative justice home with him, having Clark round for dinner.

“I can vouch for him when he says he’s drink free because when I served beef bourguignon, he wouldn’t eat it because it’s got red wine in,” he said.

Mr Barton was speaking at the start of the Ministry of Justice’s Restorative Justice Week.

Durham Police, working with others, invite criminals to meet their victims and discuss how they can put right their wrong.

Mr Barton said the scheme works because it taps into “the innate goodness in people”.

“People aren’t born bad. Nurture is far stronger than nature. Shaun and David didn’t want to be bad,” he said.

Mr Barton admitted crime was rising but said 90 per cent of victims of anti-social behaviour were happy with his force’s response and every one of 14 inspections this year has said “wow, something feels different here”.

The chief said restorative justice required courage from both offender and victim but could be used for any crime, including murder, death by dangerous driving and, with safeguards, domestic abuse.

He admitted it was more expensive than traditional methods but said it produced a “big payout” in reducing re-offending.

Mr Barton rejected suggestions it was a “soft option”, saying: “If people should go to prison, they should go to prison.

“Victims don’t want other people to be victims.”

Clark added: “I wasn’t getting anything out of it. I was already in prison.”

Northumbria Police and Crime Commissioner Vera Baird has also backed Restorative Justice Week, saying putting victims first is a very important priority for her.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Restorative Justice Practices An Inside Look: The Campbell Law Juvenile Justice Project 12:58 mins.; Restorative Practices: W Philadelphia HS

Restorative Justice Practices video

An Inside Look: The Campbell Law Juvenile Justice Project


*Restorative Practices: W Philadelphia HS: Principal Saliyah Cruz

W Philadelphia HS named a “persistently dangerous school” for violence/crime. After Restorative Practices implemented, students realized they had a voice; they had ownership of school atmosphere.


(9:03 min. video at end of
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HatSl1lu_PM


Following questions developed by International Institute for RESTORATIVE PRACTICES                                   iirp.edu

Restorative Questions I: of responsible person:
To respond to challenging behavior

What happened?

What were you thinking of at the time?

What have you thought about since?

Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?

What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Restorative Questions II: of affected person:
To help those harmed by other’s actions

What did you think when you realized what had happened?

What impact has this incident had on you and others?

What has been the hardest thing for you?

What do you think needs to happen to make things right? Restorative Works.net